‘Valentine’s Day for Singles’

Couples don’t own Valentine’s Day. Most couples spend the day creating meaningful gestures or rituals to celebrate. And just like any other day, they wrestle with the complexities of romantic love.

The commercialization of Valentine’s Day adds to the cultural bias that being part of a couple is a reward and not much work for only certain lucky people. And being single is an unfortunate liability. Thankfully, we know certain things are not true: being single is not inherently a disorder. It’s not a state of purgatory where you are waiting to get into a relationship.

Singleness can actually be a place and time of growth, a pro-active period to move your life forward toward solidifying your identity. It can be a time to discern what you actually have to offer and what you want and don’t want out of a relationship. And get this: singleness can actually be a choice!

So what can singles do on ‘VD?’

For some singles, navigating around this day can be emotionally treacherous. It’s especially hard if you’ve been through a recent break up or have lost a partner.

We all know that going out to eat or to a movie on this day can be treacherous because ‘the couples’ come out en masse, and flaunt their togetherness in our faces. And if you are not comfortable with being single, you may feel like hiding.

Even though this day is marketed as a celebration of lofty romantic love, it doesn’t have to be. Whether you are single or coupled, make Valentines’ Day a celebration of your ability to love and be loved. Set a clear intention to express your love for the people you love. This would be a great way to spend the day. Create time with them and express how valuable they are in your life. Or send these sentiments in emails. Make dinner for single friends you adore and give them gifts. Why wait for their birthdays?

Or, invest in self love. Make a gratitude list; write a love note to yourself. Have a masturbation festival. If couples can spend tons of money on each other as gestures of loyalty and appreciation, why not make yourself your favorite dinner, or order a meal in, or buy yourself a gift. And, if you want to be a love activist, get as many single friends together as possible and invade a romantic eating spot.

Honor the spirit of the day. Society wants you to feel like a loser. There is no other day we purposely set aside to acknowledge the power of one single human emotion. Here’s your opportunity.

Our culture, especially gay culture, would be much better off if we consciously elevated the importance of extroverted expressions of all kinds of love. So celebrate and do something! If you are single, don’t buy into the expectation that you have to sit around feeling sorry for yourself.

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Anthony Quaglieri, Ph.D., is a licensed mental health counselor in Tampa, click here to visit his recently launched web site.

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