‘Happy New Year!’
Happy 2010! Iʼll do anything to get people to read my column.
Maybe you donʼt want to hear about the holidays, but itʼs nearly Halloween. And you know what will happen on November 1st, donʼt you? All aboard the express train to: Turkey. Jingle. Mistletoe. Rudolph. Gay Apparel. Cookies. Auld Lang Syne.
The holidays can be perilous for people who work hard to maintain a program of regulation, reasonableness, and self care. Our focus gets diverted outside ourselves, toward obligations and traditions. We usually adjust our routines, think of othersʼ needs more, and endure financial and time stressors. Plus, the holidays can exert some degree of pressure to be cheerful regardless of how we really feel or whatʼs going on in our lives.
So, donʼt look now but itʼs almost time to make New Yearʼs resolutions. But first, we must go through the requisite period of alternating over-indulgence and self-denial during the holiday period.
Actually, I counsel people to boycott New Yearʼs resolutions. These are insurance ʻdealsʼ that can be a license to lose control in December. They do work for some people, but statistically, 82% report an average of only six weeks of compliance.
Forcing yourself to magically change on January 1st is an unnecessary strain on your self-care program during an emotionally challenging time of the year. Advice: donʼt do it this year if it hasnʼt worked in the past. Youʼll hate yourself by February 15th.
Here is an option. Get a jump start NOW on next yearʼs gains. During November and December, talk with your “support staff,” i.e., your fitness trainer, nutritionist, financial advisor, best friend, counselor, or other mentors. Engage people who will give you honest feedback about how they think you are doing in your efforts to take care of your health, focus your intentions, and nurture your relationships. Discuss the course of your personal growth in 2009, and your long term goals for 2010. Give yourself some credit and get some pats on the back from others for your progress during this year.
You have two months to do this, and a ʻyear reviewʼ is a great way of honoring a Fall harvest. Itʼs not a bad idea. Once the frenzy starts, you wonʼt have time to think about where youʼve been and where youʼre going; youʼll be distracted by all the merriment.
Have a great time with your year end festivities. Expect that the holidays will bring imbalance – there is no way to avoid it. If you go into them with a solid sense of your self care program and past accomplishments, then taking care of yourself through this period will come more naturally. You wonʼt need to self-impose ultimatums. You might even be able to enjoy some year-end celebrating without the terror of having to go to fitness jail in January.
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Dr. Anthony Quaglieri is a psychotherapist and body/mind educator in private practice in Tampa, click here to visit his recently launched web site.
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Tony- Love the idea of a ‘year review’ as a Fall Harvest. Thanks for your wisdom and humor, as always. Love, Christina
I love this article! This is thoughtful, helpful, upbeat and best of all fun to read. Thank you for a avoiding another tired rewrite of “Top Ten Ways to Handle the Holidays”.
I love the idea of a year in review, enlisting the help of trusted friends to assist with honest reflection of past efforts. We all risk getting too close to the case and may miss some areas of potential growth.
I also think it is really helpful to prepare in advance for the inevitable fluctuations that accompany the holiday time accepting a reasonable amount of indulgance while not losing one’s balance completly. This seems to allow for true enjoyment while minimizing guilt and regret. After all who wants to spend the New Year in “fitness jail”
Thank you and keep them coming!
This is great advice! Staying focused on where you are now is the best way to prevent getting lost in the buzz of the holidays and the demands of a new year. There’s no time like the present!
Thanks for another helpful column!
Oh, Dr. Q ~ you have such a way with words. I love the year-end review ~ what a fun way to know I actually did some cool things during the year.
I have found that it’s not the over indulgence of food for me during the holidays ~ it’s the gifts. I stay more balanced during the holidays by not getting crazy with gift buying … it’s not the money so much as how I can drive myself crazy ~ will he like this, will she think this is pretty, maybe he has one of these. Ugh!!!! My family and friends know not to expect gifts from me ~ food yes, gifts no … well, unless one screams out someone’s name and there isn’t static in my head.
Well, once again, you have made me smile and giggle and ponder. Can’t wait for your next article!!!!
Happy New Year ~ Patricia
Dr. Quaglieri: You are by far one of the very best at what you do! Your insights and thought processes are wonderful. I am very proud to call you a friend. I’ve known you for over 50 years and you never cease to amaze me. God bless your great work always. Father Rick DeLillo
dr. q, you always have the best insights. it’s a relief to think about letting go of new year’s resolutions and to instead find reward in what i’ve already accomplished this year. it’s a good reminder for me to maintain my intentions for self-care and yet to know that i will inevitably lose it a little. the permission makes me less likely to falter dramatically (i.e. i can have one piece of pumpkin pie not three!). i especially love the idea of reaching out to friends and mentors to give honest feedback. thanks for your dedication helping people find balance. roger mckeever
Boy, can I relate to “hating myself by February 15th.” Odd how resolutions generally are corrective, rather than confirming. Thanks, Dr. Q.
ps Do you know Dr. Oz?
Dearest Dr. APQ; I have known you from day one of your amazing life,(literally). However you never cease to amaze me. Your insight and wisdom are ingenius. Yes, I will go along with your New Year’s suggestions. I’ll lose weight tomorrow, not Jan. 2nd. I have always thought about those less fortunate and I continue to do whatever I can to help. I will consider donating more time and energy to them as well as my family and friends during the hectic days leading to the holidays. You have always been my hero, Anthony. Love you!
Dr. Quaglieri – thanks for your pertinent and fun posting! A couple things jumped out at me. One is the idea of “fall harvest” – taking stock of what we’ve gathered for ourselves during the past year, and assessing what of this is useful and what doesn’t serve me. It’s a lovely image, the fall harvest thing. I also like the description of “support staff” – trusted people who can help me with a reality check on how I am tending my health/relationships/intentions. And I REALLY responded to your differentiation between “resolutions” and “intentions” – such a chasm lies between the two. One demands; the other invites. I’m going to pass your great article on. Thank you!
Hi Tony,
Great article. Great timing. It is a good strategy to start now so that
the few weeks in December-January are simply part of a bigger picture.
Let’s print this up and send it out with our holiday cards.
All the best.
Harry Faddis
Dr. Q – A fun and insightful article on how to care for myself now and get the most out of the season. I admit to feeling like you wrote to me personally. You have a marvelous gift of connection and I remain grateful.
Best New Year ever to you and yours.
Wayne
Dr. Q. I love your article. I am now planning a year review celebration rather than a holiday obligation. Thank you for your wonderful insight and your gentle and playful manner in which you share your gifts. Happy Year Review! Crystal
Thanks to all who read and responded. Now I have to take my own advice, which is ALWAYS the most challenging part.
TQ- I love that you have “Holidays” and “Perilous” in the same sentence. True, they can be. I also appreciated the comforting reminder of the folks in our lives who make up our ’support staff’. Thanks!